ok, this blog here you gonna read, is just for one special person [ i won't name him] - & i hope someday he'll read carefully + understands what ima tryna to write down right now.

well, i dont know if he meant me with the note i just read for about 1hour in svz..but i guess it goes out to me. so lemme clear some things with you, my dear friend!

we have overestimated, hoped this ''friendship'' survives on its own. we feared everything, and yet we both still will be struggling to the end. nobody wants to suffer the consequences, and with every conversation our reprieve is extended, we protest secretly in our own minds that everything has changed, those changes we took, that end up in the last four days. according to the time, the roles are distributed. it is tearing, weve been trying to find each other. however, we just figured out we lied to ourselves. maybe weve known it from the beginning, were so different. we gotta fight for peace, well how paradoxical is that? even when love should be the refuge when i let weapons fall down. we wanted to talk it out,when ill visit you in dtown. yet each breaks in two, and when it comes to us, why did we do? and if luck isnt in there, what are we looking for? it makes me sick, im supposed to be the one who is to blame and at the same time i am shouldering the entire burden. im supposed to break everything, but at the same time, i always cross back to you and push away everything well. i questioned myself, what can i change over and over again, just to make you look at me. i dont know how i should bend myself. i dont know how i can be honest to me, and to love you. god knows i miss you, but i have limited faith. it slips out of my hands, ive been trying to control those emotions, to forget them. i will throw chances, again and again, because we deserve it. i know i cant fight anymore, i cant do anything for us anymore. i am giving up, for the first time in my life and now, its your turn because, it seems like we lose each other! & thats what i dont want, listen: im fine, you made your own decision and ima try my best to understand it, & if you meant me with ''not allowed to fix her broken heart'', you did - but just cos you didnt talked to me like we used to do. when i said : im fine nothing is wrong, you shouldnt listened to me, you had to clear things up - instead you even wrote : im always there if you wanna talk - that was kinda sarcasm cos you exactly know that im just down cos of you, so how am i supposed to tell you? nevermind things happened & i dont want to talk about it anymore..SO if you want to see me like the old amy, then just hit on my comment box & talk to me as we used to do. ill keep in touch, just if you want to. wow im tired of typing just now...but still not finished..well even if my feelings for you are still the same..i guess it wont change for a longer time..but i hope it doesnt change anything about us..i just gave up to fight..doesnt mean i hate you or something like that!! YOU nerd (: i still like you alotta so theres no need to write things like id be ''wearing a mask'' xD..uhm..about that, why are you thinking that? & what is your OPINION about this whole storie i wrote again? well im out 3 bloggs tonite is enough i guess <3.>